| i know it turns you off when i get talking like a teen |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
[11 Jan 2010|02:36am] |
things that no longer make me cringe:
-the taste of beer & wine
-cigarettes
-rejection
-words people don't mean
-being honestly myself
-christmas not feeling like christmas
-being the type, suddenly, that doesn't have too many friends
-being alone
things that make me cringe (newly, still, and forever):
-stephanie meyer
-sexism
-being called 'baby' by people who are creepy men
-ignorance
-anger as a tool of manipulation
-people
happy new year.
|
|
|
[20 May 2008|07:58pm] |
today i walked to where i couldn't do anything but remember.
i had a camera in my hand,
so i subjectively documented the scene about a year later.
i drove home with christ pureka playing louder than my thoughts.
it's a good life, i'd do it all again
this summer i will fall in love.
this summer i will find time for myself to go down to the places i love.
i will carry san francisco in my heart,
i'll keep my hair cut short.
i will teach myself to tell the people i love that i love them.
i will tell the people who mean most to me that i hope for them
everyday.
because i have been hoping for the things i have
the place i am
the person i am becoming
my whole life.
|
|
|
[19 May 2008|09:37pm] |
andrea gibson.
;auryoarta
asjrhtyao.
she asked me where i'd heard of her,
and i thought in my head,
"kathryn."
but i couldn't say,
"kathryn,"
because well.
andrea wouldn't know what i was talking about.
so instead,
i just said,
"oh. youtube."
and she said,
"oh youtube?
is there anything you know you want me to perform that you know?"
and then some spotlight stealing diva from across the room shouted,
"say yes"
and i wanted to.
say look she was talking to me,
sheesh!
but then i didn't.
so. i said youtube.
and then i asked her to sign her book
that i bought
and she said sure
and i said "neato"
and she said "what?"
and i said
"uh. neato. i mean thanks. that's neat."
in case anyone was wondering,
i'm not quite as poetic
as i am when i write things down.
when that goes right,
anyway.
but,
like i said.
epic night.
|
|
|
[19 May 2008|03:34pm] |
tonight i meet andreea gibson.
i get to listen to her words.
frankly,
i'm fucking stoked.
|
|
|
[18 May 2008|10:03pm] |
|
could i kiss you and make you queen?
|
|
|
[18 May 2008|07:19pm] |
music is how i
communicate.
it's the only way i know how to talk about things.
|
|
|
[16 May 2008|04:10pm] |
i give up.
i hold onto too many things. i hold them in close, things that keep me to myself.
i am a contradiction in that. i contradict my words by the life i lead,
and so i don't write anymore.
and then i wonder where all my dreams have gone.
today i saw two sparrows
they wre flying in front of my car
and for a moment i was
afraid i'd hit them,
they were being so careless.
but the birds were lovers,
loving in flight.
is it the eagle that makes love
in the air?
i heard they crash into each other
and break free just before they hit the earth.
i will not be
afraid anymore.
not of lovers,
not of hearts knowing hearts.
once i saw a cardinal fly into the earth -
dying,
but i never saw it loving its lover,
so i never knew it at all.
|
|
|
[16 May 2008|01:09pm] |
it's 95 out.
i'm melting, but that's okay.
it's time to burn this skin onto my body,
to make it stay.
|
|
|
[15 May 2008|08:36pm] |
i want to go dancing. slow dancing, ballroom dancing, close, dancing cheek to cheek.
i have all this emotion, but i haven't written anything down, not really, not in months. i can't really say how i feel hurt and alone. i always say that. i feel like a borken record. redundant.
so i'd rather say nothing at all, and act surprised when i'm not heard. act surpirsed when things hit me so hard, the way they do. act so surprised when things twist in my gut.
i am so tired of the same thing.
i'm tired of having nothing left in me.
i'm tired of needing so much and getting
less and less.
i'm tired of sounding this way.
today it was 87 degrees. i wanted to sit out in the sun,
but i stayed inside instead.
|
|
|
[15 May 2008|08:11pm] |
my dad's been out of town for nearly three weeks now.
i missed garbage day two weeks in a row, but the garbage isn't making the garage smell,
so it's cool.
i hate doing dishes forever.
and we're selling out house,
and i'm really sick of people coming in to look at it.
and ap tests.
this week will be over and that'll be nice.
i see andrea gibson on monday.
|
|
|
[11 May 2008|01:53pm] |
|
|
|
[11 May 2008|01:45pm] |
last night i slept on my bathroom floor,
woke up at five and felt lost until i
looked into the mirror.
i crawled into bed and slept
and slept
and slept.
today is mother's day,
but i'm not speaking to my mom these days.
patience,
patience.
here i am,
opening.
|
|
|
[10 May 2008|05:24pm] |
so.
i now work at sonic,
instead of as a telemarketer.
i also have to call kmart back and tell them im sorry
but i can't work for them.
but on my last day of work with celebrity,
my coworker shane farted
and turned the fan on
and blew his stench throughout the very stuffy room.
then my other coworker julie
attacked him.
and my boss watched this whole thing
and did nothing.
|
|
|
[10 May 2008|03:36pm] |
a lot of the time,
my house is used for random things.
today it is a friend's birthday party.
his friends are hardly my friends,
and sometimes i wish i knew how to say no.
|
|
|
[10 May 2008|03:11pm] |
today i feel
more alone than i have
in a very long time.
one day i swear i'll be
okay with everything i don't know how to be okay with
today.
|
|
|
[10 May 2008|02:58pm] |
|
i like movies when the bad guy is actually good.
|
|
|
[07 May 2008|10:27pm] |
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
Hey Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
|
|
|
[07 May 2008|09:32pm] |
when i was ten i fractured my skull.
it was june.
i wasnt taken to the hospital until the next morning at about 5 am,
because no one really knew what was wrong with me.
i threw up terribly,
i slept hard until night,
and i remember vaguely sitting up all night
crying that it hurt so bad.
i was in the hospital for three days,
knocked out on pain killers the whole time,
just so i could get through it.
that whole summer was spent sleeping on my couch.
my momma would come and help walk me to the bathroom
when it was time to shower,
she would try and feed me good food,
salad and fruits.
but nothing felt good,
except to be in this place
floating in and out of conciousness.
that summer was spent in my daddy's white t-shirts
that looked like dresses on me,
and i remember open windows and feeling the season.
awake i was an anchor,
asleep i dreamed terrbile things
so mostly i floated.
i went more places that summer than i've ever been to
my whole life.
|
|
|
[07 May 2008|04:09pm] |
i just can't fit
yes i do believe it's time for us to quit
when we meet again
introduced as friends
please don't let on that you knew me when
i was hungry and it was your world
i had an interiew with kmart today. on friday i have an interview with sonic.
ironically,
it's a million times easier to get a job now that i have one
it could just be the timing.
|
|
|
[06 May 2008|12:34pm] |
today in creative writing my teacher said,
"write a postcard to someone from a coffee shop"
so i wrote
"thinking of you.
you sometimes think of me in these places,
so you have become the coffee beans and soft music.
these places.
california's on my mind."
there is hardly a moment for silence these days,
and so the moments i have to myself mean more.
things even might swallow others up,
but then they're still inside them, aren't they?
so i still have time to think about the air and how then it blows through my car window
maybe it's from india,
maybe from iceland,
maybe it's from anywhere, and it's been blown across so many people's skin and i'm
breathing it in,
touching all these strangers,
swallowing them up.
touch is such a strange thing,
this silence
and no matter how hard i think about it,
there's no music in its absence.
touch.
i went to a protest, just to rub up against strangers
and i did feel like coming, but i also felt like crying
doesn't seem so worth it right now
but, maybe it is.
i keep holding out for hands that'll
touch me and mean it.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
comfylove's journal